He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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