You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
