That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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