so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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