I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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