i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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