there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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