You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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