The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
