Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
