Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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