The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
