fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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