I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
