Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
