Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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