I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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