If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
