she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
