"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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