I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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