why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
