Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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