Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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