I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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