I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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