it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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