so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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