I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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