Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can text with my tongue
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
