i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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