Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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