Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
