If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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