I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
