all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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