video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
