I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We talked him into tasing himself.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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