on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
