Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
