My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
