Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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