ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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