I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
