I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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