It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
