I cut my penus on the lid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
