Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
