I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
