Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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