Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
