Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
