In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
