So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
