His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
