That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
