I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
