I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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