I can tuck mytits in my pants
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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