Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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