I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
