So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
