at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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