Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.