Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.