Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house