Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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(516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh

Replies (18) Good night (3850) Bad night (886)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.

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(412): Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with. http://tfl.nu/nobk

Replies (8) Good night (2782) Bad night (540)
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(845): View more from New York

beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween

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(845): beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween http://tfl.nu/oes5

Replies (26) Good night (5770) Bad night (468)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.

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(216): Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product. http://tfl.nu/f048

Replies (24) Good night (791) Bad night (4090)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

(1-706): View more from Georgia

I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

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(706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf

Replies (81) Good night (2706) Bad night (6106)
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(319): View more from Iowa

We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

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(319): We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like. http://tfl.nu/8dbs

Replies (10) Good night (3190) Bad night (1290)
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(434): View more from Virginia

and she just brought her bike into the shower with her

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(434): and she just brought her bike into the shower with her http://tfl.nu/c8oh

Replies (8) Good night (2587) Bad night (1042)
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(707): View more from California

He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

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(707): He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ve7z

Replies (21) Good night (7284) Bad night (1062)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?

(505): View more from New Mexico

yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.

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(513): Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"? (505): yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win. http://tfl.nu/lwrt

Replies (3) Good night (1880) Bad night (558)
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(812): View more from Indiana

whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"

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(812): whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight" http://tfl.nu/xl0q

Replies (1) Good night (1025) Bad night (437)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

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(918): He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his. http://tfl.nu/1fae

Replies (32) Good night (3021) Bad night (728)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.

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(860): My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church. (1-860): I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life. http://tfl.nu/n824

Replies (4) Good night (2050) Bad night (452)
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(858): View more from California

There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.

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(858): There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie. http://tfl.nu/bbcq

Replies (5) Good night (1001) Bad night (266)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

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(908): When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!" http://tfl.nu/ui55

Replies (4) Good night (1213) Bad night (302)
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(415): View more from California

Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.

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(415): Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family. http://tfl.nu/k0wh

Replies (1) Good night (992) Bad night (231)

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