Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
