moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
