Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
