In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
