You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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