I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
