I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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