So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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