i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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