Screwed.edu
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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