Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
