I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents