i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months