Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.