dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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