Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
