Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
