I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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